Can't Touch This
by Sw33tCh3rryP13
Summary: Harry never should have lied to Ron. Scratch that, maybe some lies were for the best, but he definitely shouldn't have made that bet. Because after 7 years of working beside him, Draco Malfoy is suddenly acting completely obtainable (and Harry is sure that his devious best friend is somehow behind THAT), but Harry can't touch him. EWE
1. Chapter 1

So I've been receiving requests for another bet story while I'm in the process of transferring A CinderHarry Story to LiveJournal! Thank you guys so much; I'm flattered, and it inspires me to keep writing! In addition to this prompt-based tale (which I think will go up at a rate of approximately one chapter a month), I will soon be posting an update to Discreet Encounters and I am working on a collaborative piece with the brilliantly talented WriteSprite. Also, HP Kink_and_Squick on LiveJournal is posting now, and as soon as reveals go up I will be uploading the piece I wrote for that fest.

Do be sure to review, and please feel free to leave prompts that I can weave into subsequent chapters! I don't have all of this written, but it is all outlined and you definitely won't be left hanging.

XOXO - Charlie

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"You're looking at him again." Ron leaned across to steal a chip from Harry's plate, his own long since wiped clean. The fact that his tone was resigned and his voice was its normal baritone rather than climbing into dog howl-attracting territory was testament to the maturity he'd gained in the eight years since they'd graduated Hogwarts.

Still, Harry went with his decade-old knee-jerk defense.

"I was not. And even if I was, he's over there whispering with Zabini and I don't like it. Last week he put a super-strength sticking spell on my desk chair and if Seamus hadn't found me on his way out of the building I'd have been there all night. He might be up to something."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like you didn't deserve it after you put that -" his response was interrupted by a small _ding _from his pocket. He dug out the mobile his wife had insisted he learn to use and utilized to communicate with him. "Merlin, not again."

Harry finally dragged his gaze from the intriguing blond in the corner of the lunchroom and grinned at Ron. "What is it this time?"

"A box of canary cremes and a bottle of pepper sauce. I'll have to stop by George's and then that muggle grocer down the street from the phone box. Remind me when I leave tonight."

Harry nodded absently. Odds were he would forget, but Ron never actually needed to be reminded of any of Hermione's requests, anyhow. After two years of marriage he still hung on her every word. "Let's just hope she doesn't want them together, like the herring and the mint chip ice cream."

Both men grimaced, and then pushed back their chairs to return to work. Just as he turned the corner, Harry snuck one last glance at Draco Malfoy.

0O0O0O0O0

"Lud, an' what suspicious thing are ye supposin' Malfoy's up to now, eh?" Seamus Finnegan's voice was full of humor as he leaned over the bar at Harry's favorite pub. Technically, the pub belonged to his wife, but, self-conscious of her appearance, she only served when all of the customers were friends. After work and on weekends Seamus was happy to take over for the regular bartender so that Lavender could stay in the kitchen turning out the delicious meals the pub had become famous for. Once a month, Seamus took over the kitchen, as well.

Harry's gaze jerked away from the gorg - _sneaky _blond he'd been ogl - _studying_. Malfoy was sitting far too close to Zabini for Harry's peace of mind. _Because it was close enough to be planning nefarious pranks on him, _he reasoned. Quite rationally.

"Who knows?" Harry answered Seamus with a small smile and a shrug.

After Hogwarts, Harry and Ron had both gone straight into the auror academy. To everyone's surprise, so had Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini. Also like Ron and Harry, Malfoy and Zabini had been natural partners. After graduation, the new aurors had been assigned offices - two pairs to an office. At first, the screaming matches had been epic. Gradually, however, peace had grown between the four over the last six years. It was helped along by Harry's talent for keeping everyone calm and Blaise's admirable negotiating skills. The last of the lingering tension had died quietly two years beforehand when Neville had walked down the aisle with Pansy Parkinson, quickly followed by Ginny and former Slytherin Alex Harper, irrevocably ending the divisiveness between the groups.

So yes, there was peace, and respect. Malfoy and Zabini were good aurors, and Harry would be the first to tell anyone . Had done so, in fact, on the rare occasion when they'd been confronted with lingering prejudice. But Harry had never quite learned to trust Malfoy completely. The "good-natured" pranking didn't make it any easier.

Seamus slapped an open palm on the bar, startling Harry out of his train of thought. His grin was wide and shit-eating. "If ye ask me, mate, there's enough sexual tension between ye and Malfoy to make the blessed blarney blush."

Harry scoffed and drained his lager to avoid answering. There had been jokes around the Ministry, of course. In their office were two gay blokes, Zabini who would go to bed with anything, and Ron, who, despite the imminent arrival of his progeny, liked to pretend that sex didn't exist and turned four shades of red when anyone so much as said the word. Rumor paired Harry and Malfoy together after hours more often than not, which was probably exactly the reason they had never once spent time together outside of work and still weren't as comfortable with each other as Harry and Blaise or even Ron and Blaise.

"No idea what you're talking about," Harry mumbled, tossing some galleons on the table and grabbing his outer robes to head home. Seamus' laughter followed him to the floo.

0O0O0O0O0

"He's gone." Blaise smirked and shoveled in another forkful of kidney pie.

Draco let out a relieved sigh. "Why the fuck does he watch me like that?" He took a sip of his lavender Merlin martini, a sulkily affronted expression on his face. "Makes me feel like I'm always about to screw up."

Blaise choked a bit on his food and chuckled when he was finally able to swallow. When Draco caught his gaze, he glanced away and pulled from his ale.

Draco sat up straight with a small gasp. "You know something!"

"No! Not me, I know nothing!" Blaise put up his hands and tried to look as innocent as possible.

"Spill. Now." Draco crossed his arms and gave his best friend and partner his fiercest scowl.

Blaise shook his head and shrugged helplessly. "I can't. I am under strictest confidence, Draco."

The blond gaped. "Wha - ? I can't - ?" He stopped and leaned across the table, took a deep breath. "Who could you _possibly _owe more allegiance to than your best friend of more than _twenty years_, Zabini? Who?"

Blaise fiddled with his fork and refused to meet Draco's gaze again, and if it was possible for a blush to show on his dark skin, Draco figured he'd be roughly the shade of a tomato.

"Oh. _Oh! _But who…" Draco blinked. "That piece you picked up in Paris last month?"

Blaise shook his head. "Someone I ran into in London, couple days after we got back. We've been seeing each other since."

Draco whistled, long and low. "Three weeks with the same person? That must be a record for you. Why didn't I know about her? Him? It?"

"Him." Blaise smiled slightly. "I think…I think I really like him. And you know how you are, Judgy Mcjudgerson."

"Whatever." Draco rolled his eyes. "But what does he have to do with Potter watching me? How could he…oh no. No, no, no. Please don't tell me what I think you're going to tell me." He sighed when Blaise slipped back into his mute act. "Which one?"

"Ch…" Blaise cleared his throat nervously. "Charlie Weasley."

Draco gulped down a mouthful of martini in a most inelegant manner. Clearly, this was important to his best friend. He could be understanding. He was new Draco. Open-minded. But still, all that ginger? Eww….wait. "Is he the one with the dragons?"

Blaise nodded eagerly. "He just retired and moved back to England."

Draco waffled. One on hand, he was a _Weasley_ and on the other hand, well…"He's a bit of all right."

His friend's smile was relieved.

"Now, tell me what the big mystery is! Why the hell is Potter watching me?"

Blaise pinched his lips together and Draco could tell he was mentally debating. Finally, he nodded, as if answering an unasked question. "You tell no one that I told you."

Draco put on his Offended Face Number Three. "As if I would ever!"

Appeased, Blaise continued. "Well, Ronald told Ginevra who told Alex who told Pansy who told Longbottom who told George who told Charlie that Potter clearly fancies you."

Draco arched a perfect brow. "Are we back in first year, Blaise?" He could only hope his cynicism covered the fact that his heart was about to pound out of his chest.

"Of course, Potter denies it," Blaise continued as if the other hadn't spoken.

"Of course." That was not disappointment lacing his words. At all.

"But Charlie wondered - well, we _all _wonder - why he watches you if he doesn't fancy you. I mean, it's a little 'crazed Morgana at the river,' you know?" Blaise swirled his hand in a circle for emphasis.

Draco shrugged smoothly. "I'm gorgeous. You can hardly fault him his taste."

"Well, your ego sure can't be faulted," Blaise smirked. "So, you don't care one way or the other whether Potter fancies the pants off of you?"

"Of course not!" Draco sniffed and sipped at his drink. Several silent moments ticked by as Blaise nibbled at his dinner. Finally, Draco huffed. "But, hypothetically…just hypothetically, mind you…what if I did? Care?"

Blaise rubbed his hands together and leaned in. "So, Pansy had brunch with Ginevra yesterday and you _know_ how excellent Pans is at scheming…"

0O0O0O0O0

"We need to talk." Ron tossed down his quill and leaned back in his chair just after the office door closed after Malfoy and Zabini, who were headed out on a case. Harry's attention was ripped away from the last tempting glimpse of Mafloy's retreating backside by his sheer surprise at Ron's tone. His friend was rarely so assertive.

"Yeah? About what?"

Ron stretched his arms in front of his chest and then reached back with both hands to grip either side of his chair's headrest. "I am stressed out."

Harry bit back a smile. "Mate, you have a pregnant wife. And that wife happens to be Hermione. Of _course _you're stressed."

Ron nodded. "There's that. But it's more. _You're _stressing me out, Harry."

He blinked. He was Ron's partner! He didn't stress him out! He helped him to feel _less _stress! "How am I stressing you out, then?" He struggled to keep his tone even and not accusatory.

"This Malfoy thing!" Ron let go of the headrest with one hand and waved about expansively. "All day long I have to watch you watch him, and pretend not to notice Malfoy pretending not to notice you watching him, and then I have to hear about it as if I missed any part of your…your…obsession!"

"I am not obsessed!" Harry argued, stung. How had Ron moved from finding his compulsive habit mildly entertaining to being so upset by it?

Ron sighed and dropped his hands into his lap, leveling a gaze at his best friend. "Harry, you fancy the git. We all know it. I'm just asking you to do something about it! I have enough on my hands right now with Hermione's daily food cravings and trying to figure out how to make her stop crying when I ask if we can take down those old curtains in the bedroom and somehow that means I think she's gotten fat."

Despite himself, Harry snickered.

"It isn't funny! Bloody hell, I can't keep up with your strange version of a love life, too!"

Harry stopped laughing and stood up, throwing down the papers he'd been holding in his hand. "I _have _no love life, Ron. I do _not _fancy Malfoy. In fact, there's nobody in the _world _I fancy less!"

Ron jumped up. "Oh yeah? Prove it!"

"Fine!" Harry crossed his arms, breathing hard. He glanced around the room and then back at Ron. "How?"

Ron's smirk made Harry feel slightly uneasy. It was possible his best friend was spending too much time with a certain ex-Slytherin brother-in-law.

"A bet. I bet you that you can't go three months without shagging Draco Malfoy." Ron looked slightly green by the time he'd gotten the sentence out.

"Easily!" Harry crowed. His eyes narrowed. "How are we defining shagging? Not that I'll be anywhere near that berk, of course, so it doesn't really matter. S'just for my curiosity."

Ron rolled his eyes. "I really don't want to think about this, much less talk about it. Let's just say nothing beyond friendly, eh? No kissing, no clothes off, no…doing-whatever-it -is-you-do, Merlin!" Ron ran his fingers through his hair and turned away. "Okay, this topic is over."

Harry nodded behind Ron's back. "Fine. What's the forfeit, then?"

Ron dropped into his chair and leaned back, propping his feet up on Zabini's desk, which was perpendicular to his own. "If you win, I'll come de-gnome your garden every week for the rest of the year."

Harry perked up. He'd sold Grimmauld Place shortly after the end of the war and purchased a big, bright farmhouse in the Wiltshire countryside. He loved it, and Teddy loved visiting at least once a month to play on the acres of land surrounding the property. Unfortunately, the gnomes also loved it, and getting rid of them every year was a nightmare.

"And if I lose?"

Ron arched a brow. "Are you saying it's a possibility?"

Harry flushed. "Of course not. Hypothetical. Curiosity. You know."

Ron's jaw clenched, and Harry wondered if he'd ticked him off.

"You drop everything and baby-sit the first night I can drag 'Mione out for a date and one evening a month for a year after that. I promised her…something about going out just her and I and not becoming a 'disconnected couple.'" Ron made air quotes that Harry was sure he'd picked up from his wife at some point.

"Deal." He reached out toward Ron and they shook. "Easiest bet I'll ever win. I'm going to grab a coffee. You want one?"

"Nah, I'll take a cuppa, though."

Harry nodded and left, pulling the office door closed behind him. Ron waited two seconds, and then pulled out his mobile.

"Hey. Yeah, I did." Ron smiled. "He went for it."


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I am so sorry. This is not an update; in fact, it's a notice that I will be on hiatus for a bit. I'm really, really, really sorry, but I'm going to share something quite personal with you guys hoping you will understand why I find this necessary.

A few days after I posted chapter 1, my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. In the last 3 years, all 4 of her sisters, my mother, an 2 of my maternal female cousins have all been diagnosed with ovarian cancer or a combination of ovarian and another type of reproductive cancer.

As my mom was preparing to have a total hysterectomy, I decided to have some genetic testing done and I found out that I am the happy winner of the genetic lottery: like my mom, aunts and cousins, I carry the gene that doctors believe predisposes women to ovarian cancer. Further, I already suffer from endometriosis, which is beginning to be linked to an increase in the probability of contracting cancers of the reproductive system. Also (I know, I'm one lucky woman…sarcasm), I am a melanoma survivor and there seems to be a correlation between having survived one type of cancer and the probability of contracting another (of certain types).

Given this information, I've done some deep soul searching over the past several weeks, and I've decided to have an elective double oophorectomy. This means having both of my ovaries removed. Down the line, if need be, I will also have my uterus removed.

Obviously, this was not a decision I took lightly. I turned 30 on Friday 2/21 and I am single with no children, but I've always dreamed of being a mother. I've dreamed of being _pregnant _and having a baby, and that mental image is having to undergo changes now. As much as I know that I will love any child of mine - genetically or not - I still struggle with the idea that my body will never have the opportunity to do what it evolved to do, that I can't be a surrogate for a gay couple one day the way I'd planned, that I'll never experience labor…sorry, that's probably far too much information, but writing this note seems to be somewhat cathartic.

Anywho, between finishing up my graduate courses for the semester, helping my mother through her post-op and subsequent treatment, and going under the knife, I am going to have a difficult time squeezing in chances to write. It's not permanent; my goal is to be back to updating the unfinished stories by mid-May. I will also still be around the H/D Community here and on LJ, because heaven knows you all keep me sane.

Thanks everyone, for your patience!

XOXO,

Charlie


End file.
